New Revelations Prove That Not Even Britney Spears Knows What Drugs…

After hearing reports that Britney Spears's manager Sam Lutfi was playing drug dealer for his mentally unhinged client, we immediately flashed back to the analogy section of the SATs when we realized that Sam Lutfi : Britney Spears :: Howard Stern : Anna Nicole Smith. For the first time in our lives, we're on Team… » 2/05/08 4:50pm 2/05/08 4:50pm

Mariah Carey is No Ugly Betty. Well, Not Anymore

Didn't Mariah Carey ever hear of a lil' success story called America Ferrara? If not, will whomever is responsible for tanning, plucking, and waxing her 24/7 please remind Mimi that you gotta get ugly to get your hands on a little gold man. Currently filming the (we predict straight-to-DVD) movie Tennessee (that's… » 2/05/08 2:45pm 2/05/08 2:45pm

Super Bowl Movie Trailers: The Lineup, MVPs, and Instant Replays

Yes, it was a helluva game. And yes, the Manning bros' simultaneous smiles were near-cinematic, as were Plaxico's tears. But unlike the rest of America, we opposed conformity and muted the game, not the commercials. Why? Brand spankin' new movie trailer debuts! And no offense to unlikely hero Eli, but even your… » 2/04/08 6:06pm 2/04/08 6:06pm

Hot Athlete + Hot Girlfriend = Lose/Lose Situation

A warning to all athletes dating insanely hot famous women: you might want to think twice about allowing your ladyfriend anywhere near your player's box on Game Day. During yesterday's Super Bowl, Fox repeatedly cut to shots of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's supermodel girlfriend Gisele Bundchen enjoying… » 2/04/08 4:01pm 2/04/08 4:01pm

Snoop To Larry King: 'I'm on Medical Marijuana as we speak'

We fear that after Snoop's flawless performance as a warm and fuzzy "gangsta" on Larry King this past Friday, the ol' suspendered geezer/legend is gonna call one of his 89 doctors and request some of this "medical marijuana" Snoop waxes silkily about in this clip. In the final moments of the show, King, as usual,… » 2/04/08 1:51pm 2/04/08 1:51pm

Eva Mendes For CK Fragrances: A Floral Blend of Gin, 'Cane and Boozy…

Calvin Klein has always been a fan of drugged-up stars, but this morning's announcement that the designer picked Eva Mendes to star in his Spring `09 fragrance campaign makes him look less like a "fan," and more like a druggie Obsessive (uh, get it?). Klein, of course, is not only the man behind those heroin chic… » 2/01/08 7:36pm 2/01/08 7:36pm

Britney Prefers In-N-Out's 'Double Double' To Hospital Jello and Apple…

Ah, the In-N-Out. Referencing the famed burger chain makes us salivate just typing its name and, as it turns out, The Package (shocker!) feels the same way. United States Weekly reports that Brit, unimpressed (or just oblivious to) UCLA Med's appetizing, slightly-edible array of hospital-food-for-the-nutballs, ordered… » 2/01/08 2:48pm 2/01/08 2:48pm

Hannah Montana Tweens Set To, Like, Totally Go To The Movies This…

Yesterday, released a gushing statement to the press declaring that Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert had officially become their "best-selling concert film ever." Now, Var tells us this morning that the tweeny 3D release may be a biggie in more ways than just pre-sale ticket… » 2/01/08 12:46pm 2/01/08 12:46pm

Bart Simpson, Scientologist, Says Keep Springfield Working!

Now that we know the voice of Bart Simpson is a full-on "Clear" scientologist, we had to wonder what Bart would sound like were he played by the Clearest of All Clears: Mr. Tom Cruise! In this video mashup keenly edited together by Intrepid Defamer Videographer™ Molly McAleer, our favorite yellow-haired toon turns… » 1/31/08 6:24pm 1/31/08 6:24pm

Denise Richards Unsurprisingly Voted 'Worst Bond Girl' Of All Time

Poor flipper-footed Denise Richards just can't catch a break. Following news that ex Charlie Sheen is trying to halt production of what could well become the apex of the washed-up celeb-centric reality show genre, Richards' bad luck streak continues with news that her performance as Dr. Christmas Jones in The World Is… » 1/31/08 5:30pm 1/31/08 5:30pm

Deconstructing The Britney Crazy: The Tweaker Question

While rumors of Britney Spears' addiction to crystal meth have been swirling through the blogowebs for a few months now, two papers are now claiming last night's gurney shitshow happened after the fallen star spent days wide awake on Fergie's pre-hab drug of choice. The National Enquirer is reporting that Britney and… » 1/31/08 5:10pm 1/31/08 5:10pm

Britney Spears, Code Name 'The Package', Rushed To Hospital As…

Oh dear. For those of you who actually sleep at night, you missed a whopper of an evening at the Spears household. After Britney's newly assigned psychiatrist visited her at her house in the early evening, he found her condition and recent antics so dismal, he contacted the LAPD in an attempt to have her officially… » 1/31/08 12:03pm 1/31/08 12:03pm

Debate Over What To Do With Christian Brando's Body Escalates Into…

With two armies of ladies fighting over Christian Brando's body, the debate over where to put the recently deceased son of Marlon to rest is now being fought on a very public stage. In order to help win the battle, both Anna Kashfi, Brando's mother, and his girlfriend Donna Geon have recruited others closely connected… » 1/30/08 4:54pm 1/30/08 4:54pm

Martha Stewart and Meredith Viera Jumpstart Their Day With Booze For…

Why the Today Show waited so long to combine massive martinis, Meredith Vieira and Martha Stewart into a segment is beyond us. After watching two of the most regal small screen dames tip back an early morning stiff one, we're ready to hand the producers a Daytime Emmy. The festivities began with Martha calmly asking… » 1/30/08 2:15pm 1/30/08 2:15pm

Kathy Griffin's Newest Stand-Up Target? Scientology, Of Course!

At last night's sold-out, tranny-filled Kathy Griffin stand-up show at Madison Square Garden, Kath slayed the audience with a brand-new act that leaned heavily on Scientology skewering material. You see, one of Kathy's best friends was a Sex and the City writer/producer named Judy Toll, who died in 2002 from… » 1/30/08 12:32pm 1/30/08 12:32pm

Exclusive: Detroit Free Press Becomes Largest Newspaper In The Country…

When the Detroit Free Press decided to offer their highly-regarded film critic Terry Lawson a voluntary buyout package over the holidays, most everyone following the situation assumed that they would quickly replace him with a younger (and less expensive) critic. However, we have since learned that The Freep, which is… » 1/29/08 4:47pm 1/29/08 4:47pm

'Bipolar' Britney Breakdown: iPhone Threats, High Speed Car Chases, And…

Last night, a quasi-dramatic screaming match between Britney Spears and her manager Sam Lufti quickly turned from a typical Monday With Britney™ into a full-on Mariah-style breakdown. After a barefoot and bruised-cheeked Britney called current loudmouth boytoy paparazzo Adnan saying, "Baby, come get me," The Animal's… » 1/29/08 12:00pm 1/29/08 12:00pm